At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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