he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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