So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
