I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize