STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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