I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We have started to decorate penises.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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