I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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