omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
