I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
