I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just took my morning after pill in the library
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
