Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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