yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize