Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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