Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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