There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
