I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
