Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
