genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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