we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
