You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
