I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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