Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
