i always forget guys have bellybuttons
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
