..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
