i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
