your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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