I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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