so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
