apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
