East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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