White coat. Heels.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
