When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
