Duck Duck Cougar?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
