she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
