good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize