she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
