he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
