Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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