the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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