it wasn't lemon gatorade
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
