Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
