I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
