I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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