We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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