Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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