What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
