saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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