I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
