She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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