he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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