we have officially lost it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Are we still banned from the library?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
