They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
