I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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