I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
