Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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