I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
