why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize