I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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