I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
