so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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