I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize