p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
