youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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