She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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