I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
