I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
