You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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