Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
