He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
