I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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